No limit

With awareness and kindness there is no limit to the possibilities available in terms of being human.

p114, Spectrum of Ecstasy, Ngakpa Chögyam with Khandro Déchen, Aro Books, 1997, ISBN 0-9653948-0-8 

The ultimate acknowledgement

Kindness gives confidence to others. Kindness encourages self-respect and authentic dignity. Tantra is the hot blood of kindness. In essence – vajra commitment is the ultimate acknowledgement of that.

p67, Tracts of the Sun : An Earth Orbit of Vajrayana Expressions.  Ngakpa Chögyam and Khandro Déchen, Aro Books Worldwide, 2022, ISBN 978-1-898185-28-4 

Not what you do

It’s not what you do, it’s the way that you do it – that is to say, either with kindness or without. 

p420, Tracts of the Sun : An Earth Orbit of Vajrayana Expressions.  Ngakpa Chögyam and Khandro Déchen, Aro Books Worldwide, 2022, ISBN 978-1-898185-28-4

In the best cases

 

We do not like anyone to have to alter how they are in terms of their personalities and proclivities – apart from kindness and courtesy to others.  This means—in the best cases—that they are able to disagree without causing offence.  When there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ behind a view – it can be expressed in an unwithheld manner.

p239, Emailing the Lamas from Afar, Ngakpa Chögyam and Khandro Déchen, Aro Books, 2009, ISBN 978-0-9653948-5-7

Kindness

Although it is not always kind to say what you mean – it is always kind to mean what you say.  Kindness comes before being frank. 

p317, Tracts of the Sun : An Earth Orbit of Vajrayana Expressions.  Ngakpa Chögyam and Khandro Déchen, Aro Books, 2022, ISBN 978-1-898185-28-4

How we see what happens

The circumstances which befall us in the world are—generally speaking—the random functioning of the universe.  So merit is not what happens to us – but how we see what happens.  If we have kindness-Mind we initiate kindness-action – and kindness becomes the way in which we perceive the world. 

p81, Rays of the Sun, Ngakpa Chögyam, Aro Books worldwide, 2010, 978-1-898185-06-2  

Assume kindness

It is important to observe ourselves and understand our condition.  It is also important not to observe others with a judgemental eye because we probably have no conception of their condition or motivation.  It is always better to assume that other people have kind motivation – especially when they are acting in ways we would not act.  We all see the world in different ways – and so it is not possible to judge someone else’s actions or words on the basis of our own way of seeing.

p73, Rays of the Sun, Ngakpa Chögyam, Aro Books worldwide, 2010, 978-1-898185-06-2  

Enjoying their presence

Kindness is inseparable from appreciation and enjoyment.  If one likes people, one will be kind in relation to them.  One cannot like people without appreciating them – without enjoying their presence.

p67, Tracts of the Sun : An Earth Orbit of Vajrayana Expressions.  Ngakpa Chögyam and Khandro Déchen, Aro Books, 2022, ISBN 978-1-898185-28-4

What matters

It does not matter how many teachings we may have attended.  It does not matter how many empowerments we have received.  What matters is how kind and open we are becoming.  

p92, Rays of the Sun, Ngakpa Chögyam, Aro Books worldwide, 2010, 978-1-898185-06-2 

People ...mostly could not help themselves

Apart from the sense of bemusement, there was an inherent obligation to be kindly rather than indulgent – whenever the choice lay before me.  People were as they were – and mostly could not help themselves.  I had come to understand that I could—and therefore should—step outside the framework in which I had to take offence at anything. 

p350-351, Goodbye Forever: miscellaneous memoirs of an English Lama, Volume One Ngakpa Chögyam, Aro Books Worldwide, 2020, ISBN 978-1-898185-51-2 

Life teaches us moment by moment

    Everyday we are presented with opportunities to expand our hearts and disinhibit our innate kindness.  Everyday life is also the perfect place to observe how we are, because life teaches us moment by moment – whatever we feel in response to anything shows us the pattern of our perception.  In this way, if we are open enough and are honest with ourselves, we can learn a great deal about the way our energies are constricted.

p67, Rays of the Sun, Ngakpa Chögyam, Aro Books worldwide, 2010, 978-1-898185-06-2

The only perfect morality

   The only perfect morality is awareness.  The only perfect morality or ethical position is awareness, because all actions which spring from awareness are choiceless pure appropriateness.
Kindness is as close as we can ever come to a moral approximation of awareness.  Having a good heart goes further than anything in terms of empathising with the nondual state.  

p49, Rays of the Sun, Ngakpa Chögyam, Aro Books worldwide, 2010, 978-1-898185-06-2

There‘s no guarantee at all

   The purpose of the teaching is not to improve outer conditions.  Although, I would say that living according to the Tantric view would actually enable you to get much more out of life than you would have done otherwise.  I would say that your life would be improved in many ways.  This may sound contradictory, but I think that there’s a significant point here: you cannot judge the teachings according to the criterion of whether your life has ‘improved’.  You can only judge the teachings against your own evolution of awareness and kindness.  If your outer circumstances improve then that’s wonderful, but it’s not a sign of your practice. The concept that spiritual practice, or success in spiritual practice, leads to a life in which things increasingly work out to your advantage, is highly spurious.

p200, Wearing the Body of Visions, Ngakpa Chögyam, Aro Books, 1995, ISBN 1-898185-03-4

Men and women need greater respect & appreciation for each other

  
Family environments which exemplify kindness, openness and an enthusiasm for life, are needed for there to be peace and harmony in the world.  For these qualities to exist as examples for children, men and women need greater respect & appreciation for each other.  The Aro gTér provides insight and methodology which are directly applicable to this need.

Ngak’chang Rinpoche & Khandro Déchen, Lineage holders of the Aro gTér, on Drala Jong: A Buddhist retreat Centre in Wales
 

This rare disease—kindness

  Whenever I remember this story (told by Künzang Dorje Rinpoche), I look at my life for symptoms of this rare disease—kindness—and whatever signs of health I exhibit cause me to stimulate new areas of infection.  The most saddening aspect of life for me, is to witness immunity to the disease of kindness either in myself or others.  Although I initially preferred the first story, the second has caused me to reflect a great deal on the nature of kindness – and how it can be encouraged in the world.  The idea of kindness as an illness—with all its attendant concepts of infection and contagion—is highly creative.  This manner of expression is a brilliant example of how Tantra turns language on it head.

p138, Wisdom Eccentrics : Rumours of realisation as told by Künzang Dorje Rinpoche with additional tales of the unexpected.  
Ngakpa Chögyam,  Aro Books, 2011, ISBN 978-0-9653948-6-4

Life will seem more infused with energy

It is not always easy to be kind, but it is also not that difficult because kindness flows naturally from our beginningless non-dual nature.  So if we remind ourselves constantly to be kind, we constantly put ourselves in closer contact with our primordial non-dual state. There is also something in the activity of kindness that has an effect on us. 

When we make the effort to be kind, we may find that it becomes increasingly effortless. It may begin to flow naturally, and make us glad that we can experience such warmth and openness. A truly kind act is an act of pure appropriateness and therefore whenever we are kind , there will be an element of appropriateness. Life will seem more infused with energy, and there will seem fewer obstructions. Kindness simplifies situations.

Aro Encyclopaedia Index: Kindness: The power of the awakened mind warrior, Ngak'chang Rinpoche 

The open-mindedness and kindness of lovers

The lover's open-mindedness equates with wisdom inasmuch as lovers cannot remain lovers if they become closed-minded with each other.
The lover's kindness equates with compassion inasmuch as lovers cannot remain lovers if they entertain the possibility of causing each other pain or distress.
Kindness is elicited by the kindness of one's lover, and one's own kindness achieves reciprocal responsiveness: kindness escalates and becomes addictive.  Through the self-orientation of our grasping, self-orientation loosens of itself, and dissolves within the fluidity of the needs perceived in one's lover.

p147, Entering the Heart of the Sun and Moon  Ngakpa Chögyam and Khandro Déchen,  Aro Books, 2009, ISBN 978-0-9653948-3-3

Romance lures us into spiritual practice

Desire habitually promotes self-seeking.  The desire which drives romantic pursuit is no exception to this – apart that is, from the fact that something else occurs.  When we are drawn to the person we desire for ourselves – we communicate our desire to the one we desire.  In so doing – we are unsuspectingly drawn into spiritual practice.  The practice, into which we are enticed, is that of wisdom and compassion.  We begin to display unusual open-mindedness and uncharacteristic kindness – but what is more extraordinary, is that we feel inexplicably unthreatened in so doing.

p146, Entering the Heart of the Sun and Moon  Ngakpa Chögyam and Khandro Déchen,  Aro Books, 2009, ISBN 978-0-9653948-3-3

Kindness, motivation and intention

In our practice of kindness we should learn—first and foremost—to keep our noses out of other people's motivations.  Verbally assaulting others with self-righteous zeal is a grave sickness of spirit.  Certainly people act in ways that are worthy of criticism – but who are we to think that we have the authority to stand in judgement?  It doesn't actually matter if we are right or wrong in our judgement.  It is our motivation that is in question.  Motivation and intention are primary in Buddhism.

p59, Rays of the Sun, Ngakpa Chögyam, Aro Books worldwide, 2010, ISBN 978-1-898185-06-2

The difference between kindness and compassion

Compassion means more than simply being kind.  Compassion—or active compassion—is how we usually translate bodhicitta or changchub sem.  Compassion includes kindness, but kindness is but part of the spectrum of compassion.
Compassion includes appreciation, admiration, pleasure, wonder, enjoyment, and communication—fierce, florid, and fecund communication.
Compassion is openness to infinite pattern and to embodying any aspect of that pattern for the benefit of everyone, and everything, everywhere.

p130-131, Emailing the Lamas from Afar, Ngakpa Chögyam and Khandro Déchen, Aro Books, 2009, ISBN 978-0-9653948-5-7